relationships

בס"ד

I try not to confuse my truncated ability to receive social cues with innocence. It's usually not hard, as I probably have the most "life experience" of anyone in my school. But asking an innocent question, of when is close too close, led down a path I never though it would...

The beginning of this was the class on social dynamics of the classroom. Last time we touched on the issue of when two friends, or teacher and student, or boss and employee get into a relationship of filling one another's needs in an unhealthy way. Example, teacher and student. A student texts the teacher for a question on homework. After a few back-and-forths, the student finally writes, "goodnight." But the next night she also texts goodnight. The teacher encourages this, by showing a special connection in the classroom. Example, friends. A girl goes through a rough time with her self image. She has only one person who gets it, her best friend. After many long nights for months in a row, she just cant imagine life without this support. They speak often about how much they mean to each other. How life would just end without the other... "When has it gone too far?" my teacher asks rhetorically, "when we start sharing how important it is with the other."

I fall inside of myself. Searching for a hint that this girl could be me, my mind is racing. Too close to a teacher? No, I always had too much attitude for that. Too close to a friend? No, never paid attention to anyone so well. But then a conversation I have had with a family member arises within me. The flashback plays in my head, my own words echoing between my ears, "I am so happy we are close. I couldn't think of anyone else I would call when crying. . ."

Ouch. Are we talking about me here? I think for a while about the correct way to phrase this. Last time my question was brushed off with a joke, so I want to be exact in my language. Be precise, I tell myself, don't let this be answered with sarcasm. "Do we use the same method of testing our friendships when testing our relationship with family members?" Good, I think to myself, an innocent question without sharing any personal information.

"No. We can share the feelings with family, thats ok. It is only a problem when things get touchy." She opens her stance to the entire class, turning her attention to the group, "You all know what I mean by touchy, right?" Resting on our faces is a chill of silence, knowing silence. After speaking for a while about how an unhealthy relationship can turn to a physical one, my teacher is bombarded with questions. Silent shock has turned to curious turbulence. What has probably never been spoke about in their lives, the beautifully sheltered students of my class, has finally been mentioned, and it is an explosion.

Again, I move inwards. My reflection turns to the application of this on my schooling. Does the societal norm of teenage relationships, even within the same gender, allow for a freedom or for a disease? Are the teens of America gifted with a practice-till-perfect attitude on relationships, or cursed by it? When is close too close?